Zarock has been gone so long now, and I've no clue if he's coming back. Another guy is now trying for my attention. And I am so... so very scared. I feel like Zarock succumb to the same curse that has befallen all but one guy, that has gotten close to me. And that one I pushed away so indefinitely it feels like... like a dream that never happened. I don't want another to fall prey to this curse I am under. I can't stand losing another. It hurts so much... like my heart is on fire, yet frozen in my chest at the same time, it hurts so much I feel like I might be sick. My head throbs I can't think. What did I do to deserve to fall under this cruelty? I grieve, I miss his presence in my life... my Zarock.

It is so quiet most turns now, one could almost hear a plume drop. I find it ironic that when I was between guild homes I had so many tell me I should start my own guild, and that they would follow me as leader... yet here I am as a leader of a guild... that is so quiet as well, those who pushed me to lead no longer around the lands. But I know it isn't just my own guild halls that are so quiet. I take solace in that.

I told a friend that I had thoughts haunting me today, past regrets stinging my mind and heart again like they always tend to do when I am alone. And he made a suggestion that I am going to have to do again, because it helped! I need to write out my thoughts even if it takes a while... "this time took me 18 marcs!" and then burn the papers! I was skeptical I admit, but wow... do I feel better. My mind is my own again and I can breath and smile. It's amazingly helpful. This may change things for my life. A change I needed.

Sea breeze blows sand through grassy hills, the smell of salt water mingles with floral notes swirls and my senses excite, while moonlight dances on branches bright. Plain trolls play in grass nearby, paying me little mind. The sky it's stars dancing, twinkle down on all in the night. The calm, and quiet bring joy and peace to my heart this night.